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July 11, 2002
Volume I, Issue 5
 
Fringe Clippings
 
Bargains, Bargains, Everywhere
 
Associated Press - The retail outlets have spoken and we should hear their reports, for it benefits the consumer greatly. The average price of equipment has gone down. Depending on which product you are interested in, the national average has dropped anywhere from 2.2% - 5.0%. Putters are the only line of equipment to show an increase in average price.
 
Good Luck Fleish!
 
Associated Press - Bruce Fleisher underwent preliminary tests for prostate cancer after routine tests showed an elevated risk. The preliminary tests came back negative, and he is hoping to return for the Senior Players Championship next week. "I'm absolutely relieved at the indications," Fleisher said.
 
Buying the House a Round
 
Associated Press - The Murphy's Irish Open was the setting for perhaps the best ace of the year. Fredrick Jacobson of Sweden holed out on the 168-yard 11th hole. For this achievement, each ticket-bearing patron received a free pint of stout, courtesy of the title sponsor. Note: Jacobson did not have the tab deducted from his winnings after the tournament!
 
 
Paralysis by Analysis
 
Little Help Over Here!
 

Alright everyone, it's high tea time at the links and some of you have no idea how to hold your crumpets. Lets go over a few of golf's dos and don'ts.

The Bag Drop - This is the area where one can generally pull their car into and the valet will check your clubs and place them on your cart. Look for a bag drop at every course. Some will not have this area but many will. This is intended to be a luxury to golfers and a way for a college kid/retiree to make a few extra bones. Remember the static rule for the cart guys: $1 minimum per bag. If you do not take care of him, he will not take care of you.

The Pro Shop - If the person behind the counter does not seem overly talkative, remember they may be frustrated that they are in the clubhouse and not on tour chasing Tiger. Don't try to make their life sunnier, just smile, be polite and don't ask for discounts -- unless you have a coupon from GolfCpons.com. Then just smile, hand it over, and enjoy.

The Starter - Usually the grumpiest fella on the course. Don't agitate this person or your day will suck!

The Cart Girl - Easy Sparky! This gal works hard and usually has a boyfriend or husband. Besides she's 19 and you're 45. Flirt harmlessly and she will respond in kind. Just remember if you would like the same treatment later in the day to tip at the standard 20% rate. This will ensure that your beverages will be chilly and served often.

Twosomes - If it's not too busy and your group is slow, let those two guys that are standing behind you play through. They will be happy and you can finally relax. Besides, the longer your round takes the more the cart girl comes into play.

Refilling Divots - Just do it! And if your partner forgets, don't yell at him, just do it for him. Trust me, he will be embarrassed enough to remember next time.

Soft Spikes - Typically a golf course does not resemble the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field in January so there is no need to wear Ginsu blades on your cleats. Have the cart guy replace your daggers with a less aggressive set of grabbers and throw him a couple extra.

Ready Golf (Tee Box Honor) - Yes, it is true we golfers are ego insane and take the privilege of hitting first when we win a hole. However, in light of the popularity of our beloved sport, we must begin to recognize that ready golf is the best way to economize time in a round.
 
 
Reading the Line
 
Trouble on the Horizon
 
Hootie Johnson, of Augusta National fame, has responded with indignation to the assertion that the Augusta National Golf Club should allow women to become members. The golf club's chairman took exception to a letter written by Martha Burk from the National Council of Women's Organizations. The letter suggested that perhaps Augusta National should start allowing women members or next year's Masters might suffer commercially. It will be interesting to see how this one plays itself out. The fact that Augusta is a private club should weigh greatly in this matter, legally. However, if the discrimination card gets played loudly enough I would expect Mr. Johnson's wife might have a member number come Christmas time.
 
Talk about Irony
 
During Sunday's final round of the Advil Western Open a fan heckled Davis Love. He heckled him before he swung. It was uncalled for and the fan should have been tossed from the tournament. BUT, Davis Love III actually stared this guy down and began to walk after him. That's right Love turned hateful that day! C'mon now! Can't we all just get along?
 
Tour Accuracy?
 
Did any of you play the Nike Tour Accuracy DD the last few weekends? No? Its namesake hasn't either! Although David Duval didn't play in the aforementioned Advil Western Open, he missed three cuts prior to that including the U.S. Open. The 8th ranked player in the world is now 81st in money. In the immortal words of Tiger Woods: "Think they're feeling a little pressure up there at Nike?"
 
For the record...
 
For those of you keeping score at home, in the last issue of Off the Fringe we tackled the "Phil Mickelson, People's Champion" conundrum. We received quite a bit of feedback, both in agreement and disagreement. (That is the beauty of the First Amendment after all.) The overwhelming majority of you, however, agreed that although Phil is a fine gentleman, he is a bit of a surprise choice as Common Man Champ! To confirm this, Golf Online recently ran a poll of whether viewers would prefer to see Tiger win the Grand Slam or Phil win his first Major. It was still running at deadline, but Tiger was out in front 59% to 41%. Any questions?
 
 
 

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